Sunday, August 8, 2010

CWG & the Rogue's Call to Nationalism

I am amazed!

At the audacity of come of our better known commentators, who have suggested in their respective Sunday columns that this growing sense of revulsion and alienation towards Kalmadi, and through association to the entire CWG games, is excessive and even misplaced. The gents, Gupta and Mitra have both defended the accused saying that in the scheme of things, even if corruption is discovered, it really is peanuts compared to some of the scams that our master hiester politicians have engineered. They are both at pains to point out that Kalmadi has been uinfairly singled out and that he (Kalmadi) and his cohorts are really novices - having possibly pilfered a few crores.

Gupta makes a point that 85% of the budgets were set aside for, 'virtuous development' - of virtuous Delhi. Well, what better way, one must agree, to convince our commonwealth visitors that India is now no longer a third world country because we have 30 crores worth of flower pots, gleaming (but slippery as death) granite sidewalks, spanking new stadia (what if a few tiles come off in the swimming pool on the opening day? Guys, why be unnecessarily harsh? I mean, have you not heard of a wardrobe malfunction?), a world class airport terminal, a new power station - and all of this in Delhi. Which, in retrospect seems so, so fair. After all, we must all agree, Delhi is India. The sportsmen and sportswomen may come from impossible places in the hinterland, and they are the ones who might win medals; but how is that relevant? The CWG is a showcase for shining, First World Delhi..oops...Shining First World India! Medals, sports facilities, diet, coaches, all those are piffling details and as we all agree, details, they are for the vulgar. We must be noble.

So noble that we must agree that anyone who thinks that years of preparation time being wasted, warnings of international experts were all bunkum. Does not one remember with flaming pride coursing our tiny, worthless and doubting hearts the day when our own dear Kalmadi scorned the CWG observer from distant lands, the expert had warned that things were in a hopeless state and that something drastic had to be done if the games were to start on time. Oh! the machismo the shone from every honest pore of dear Kalmadi that day when he rang forth in indignant righteouness that the observer be stripped of his post and be banished from the face of earth for making statements of gross negligence and mischief.

So noble that we must desist from our shallow nature to be seen aghast at the revelations that every quality certificate was found to be a fake or dubious. Shame on us for ever doubting the capabilities of Kalmadi and his cohorts - of course every stadium will be completed, of course every facility will be in place before the first guest arrives to exercise on the the fabulously special treadmills, the very, very, special treadmills hired at a mere 5 times the cost. And since when, might I ask, nay, demand, why any of this is even remotely a question of national pride? Don't we know that National Pride is only to be exhorted after the money is safely in the banks and when every known device to create a situation of crises has been triggered? How dare we, at this late hour question the indifferent quality, the bombed-out, war-zone look of the stadia? Instead, we should do kar-seva and help in making everything perfect. We must show the world how brilliantly we manage large projects of national importance, projects that have only a fleeting relationship to national pride for the best part of 5 years and two hundred days but miraculously become the most singular beacons of national pride in the last 50 days of its life.

I had a good mind to heed the haloed advise and wear my coolie hat and torn jeans to Delhi and do my bit of kar seva. It might have knocked my misplaced sense of patriotism in place. Alas! I shall forever be bereft of that piece of enlightenment and continue to be this base, vile person who doubts every hardworking politician! My boss thought that it was all very well to wear the coolie hat but felt that I could not be given leave and that I still had to earn my salary despite the noble but contrary sermons of Kalmadi and Co. My soul screamed out - O! What outdated notions! My country needed me, national pride was at stake. If this is what our bosses say then who will stick all the fallen tiles back on the pools? Who will plug the leaks of the stadium walls? Who will arrange the 30 crores worth of flower pots (hopefully the amount was enough for the pots to come with the plants in them. But, hell! what do I know?). Who will smoothen the ground and carry away the debris? Who will cook and make the meals? (for, in the absolute tightness of times, in the welter to formalise on bank accounts and appoint shady contractors in UK, Kalmadi and Co. forgot to appoint contractors to cook the meals. Poor chaps, so insanely busy, when could they have had the time for such minor and unimportant details?)

And all this brouhaha over the Commonwealth Games. A sporting activity with quaint rules - it gives three gold medals where all others give just one. So here our exalted weightlifters get a gold for the Snatch, another for the Jerk and the third for the total of the two. Oh, oh, oh! An idea just occured to me!! We MUST have cricket as an event (someone just whispered that it already is! Shucks!). But to continue with the idea, what if we have a gold for each wicket taken and for each century scored, a silver for each Maiden bowled and bronze for every four saved at the boundary ropes? Oh, oh, oh! What an idea Sirji!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Pat, I've seldom seen you so worked up. It's the impotent rage of the mango man of India. Can this rage gain potency in the years to come? That's the long-term question. If by hosting a humiliatingly substandard CWG, we can learn lasting lessons, I hope we're humiliated.
    Whilst in Delhi a couple of months ago, I passed by the main stadium which looked so incomplete that we'd probably need kar sevaks from Mars to finish it on time.
    I was then on my way to meet a fellow writer who has been giving consultancy to some CWG panel in charge of tourism affairs. He said that their budgets had slipped 1000 percent.
    Why was I not surprised? Oh right. Because the games are being held in DELHI. If the whole of India is a morass, then Delhi is the private cesspool for this morass.
    That was some brainwave, huh? Let Delhi host the games. It's the JUGAD city. It will make it happen. After all, didn't it host the Asian Games in 1982? Well, Delhi was not a fraction as corrupt in 1982 as it is now. But fear not. Many Sharmajis and Guptajis and Singh saabs and Sodhis have used the 900% excess money to bolster the local economy. Ask the automobile dealers. They will vouch for this.

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Pat